I did not think my week could possibly be any worse than last week, but I was wrong. This has been a week with more downs than ups, and lots and lots of tears. I am really not an emotional person. I am not usually a big crier; I could watch the saddest movie ever made without shedding a tear. I am also not really excitable; my parents could have me a new car parked in the driveway and I would probably not jump up and down and all that…even if it were a Mercedes! I am just not that way, but this week I have been an emotional roller coaster. I have really struggled in my math class and I am finally coming to terms with the very strong possibility that I will not get an “A” in the class. I have shed many tears over that class this week, which has made me more sensitive than normal. I had to hold back the tears this week while I was listening to a CD in the car, which was the first time I have ever cried while listening to a song. The funny thing is that it was not just one song...it was a whole CD! But, I must admit that I have learned more about myself this week than any other time in my life.

Answering the prompts this week took lots and lots of thought. The prompts were really deep. I had to answer the questions over several sessions because I was in such deep thought that it made my head hurt. I have finished them now (except for the essential question), but I am going to tweak them some more before posting them. I have also had the literacy articles on my mind all week. For me, the content of this week was to become more familiar with the WWW and myself. I have done a lot of soul searching this week. I will say that at the beginning of the week I thought I knew all there was to know about myself, but I have found out more than I could have ever imagined.

I do not know how many times I examined and reexamined myself this week, but it was a lot. I almost feel like I have been in therapy or something. When I was answering the prompts I started to realize that I have been putting way too much pressure on myself. I am in the process of accepting that grades are not the most important thing in the world, and that in 10 years, or even 10 weeks, the grade I get in a class is not going to matter. The only thing that matters is that I have more knowledge after completing the course than I did before I started it. I have also realized that it is my responsibility to make sure I know more than I did when the class began, even if the teacher could care less. I am experiencing that first hand right now. My math professor is not the ideal teacher that was described in the literacy articles. I have realized that if I want to learn math I am going to have to do it myself. I had to suck up my pride this week. I went to tutoring and I had to ask my uncle for help. I also got a second book that explained the information better. I have realized that I relying on class time is not going to cut it. So, I have taken the first step of becoming a lifelong learner…I have taken responsibility for my learning. Really, that step is just a baby step.

This week, I learned the most through the writing assignments, which is usually the case for me. Writing is a great way for me to get things off my chest. I almost wrote and vented in this blog a few times this week, but I chickened out. I am not ready for that yet. Before this week I hated reflections. Most of the class probably still does, but I have learned so much this week because all I have done is reflected. My reflections have not been on paper, but in my head. It seems like the more I have thought and questioned and explored, the more I feel the need to evaluate, ponder, and form more thoughts. It has been mostly about myself, not the course information. But, I think that looking inside myself is the best place to start. If I start examining my attitudes and values (like I did in the first prompt) then I start to realize what is really important to me. Realizing what is important to me gives me a direction to go in.

While the prompts really got me thinking this week, I still have not gotten over the literacy articles. I keep thinking about all the kids that are missing out, all the kids that have not been encouraged and challenged by their teachers to make learning a priority. I have concluded that I am very lucky. In my case, consolidation gave me a better education. At Huntington High, more challenging courses were available. I also had two great teachers who really wanted their students to become information literate that I would not have had at Huntington East. But, I think about the other kids I went to school with who are no longer in school, who have probably not thought about researching or learning since they graduated. I can not help but think about why I was given the opportunity that I had and other students did not. Was it because I had the inner drive, was it because I had parents to push and encourage me, or was it just the luck of the draw? I have thought a lot about my brother this week and the lack of desire he has for learning. I just can not figure out how we are so different. My mom always says that she’s got one that’s wound too tight and one that is not even wound up at all. Why did he not have teachers that thought information literacy was important? Or did he have those kinds teachers, but he just did not care? I also keep wondering about teachers. Why do some feel really strongly about information literacy, while others do not? Is it because the ones that feel strongly about it are lifelong learners themselves? I have had many questions arise from that reading. It seems like the more I think about what I read, the more questions I have, which is why I said that I have done a lot of reflecting this week.

Our class discussion on the MOO was really interesting this week. It is funny how that each group can bring out points that another group never even thought of. When I thought about the media I was thinking news articles and stuff like 60 minutes, but Matt’s group brought up a good point about commercials and movies that poke fun at communication disorders. I had not even thought about that when my group and I were discussing the questions. I have thought a lot about the double standards that our society has set for communication disorders. Speech problems are so cute until the child hits a certain age, and then when the problem does not go away, others conclude that the child is abnormal and that something is wrong with them. Part of the code of ethics requires us as SLPs to promote public understanding. I think it was Melissa in our group that posed the question about what we can do to change the how society views CD. I think one way to do that is to educate ourselves so that we do not misrepresent those with CD. It is also important to go out into the community and get involved. Maybe hold meeting that are free to the public that address misconceptions, or even create an informative website to make sure people are getting accurate information. There are even more things that we as students (and NSSLHA members) can do.

I have had trouble this week with developing an essential question. I have an area picked out, but not a specific topic yet. I love the adult population. I do not know what it is about them, though. Sometimes I see my grandparents in the elderly, or I see the possibilities that are ahead for a young adult who has a CD, and other times I just see that they are really in need of good care. There are so many things I am interested in that involve adults that it is hard for me to pick just one topic. Dysphasia is really interesting to me, but so are strokes. Really anything neurological is fascinating to me. That is why I am having such a big problem. I am going to research some of the topics that interest me before I make a choice about that subject and my essential question.

I feel like I have grown so much this week. I have learned so much about myself and my views on education. I have also started thinking more critically. I have posed lots of questions this week and I have been looking for the answers. Not only have a grown this week as a person, but a student too.